The Pros Weigh In

After learning a little about adoption programs, but not knowing where to turn, we looked to the professionals...friends who walked the road of adoption. We brainstormed a list families in the area we knew had adopted and spent the summer planning dinner engagements with each family. We specifically called families who had adopted from Ethiopia, hoping to learn more about the Ethiopian program.

The families revealed more about the adoption process than any agency could afford. After meeting with three families, we recognized common sentiment among them. First, they all said if given the opportunity to do over, they would 100% adopt again. Reassurance flooded our souls with these statements. Real people sharing real stories, with rough edges and ugly spots even, and every single one of them said adoption was more than worth it!

Secondly, the families suggested adopting more than one child. Without noticing, every family we invited over for dinner had adopted more than once. When addressing this topic, they all recommended adopting more than one child because we were considering trans-racial adoption. And so began our "sibling group" conversation. Because we were looking for an older child, sibling groups would make sense, we thought. The only problem: our age range was too tight for most sibling groups. Over the summer, we decide that we would be open and perhaps even prefer a sibling group and decided God would have to place the perfect set in our hands.

The third realization these families brought forth was the difficulty in diversity. We initially realized the challenges and uniqueness of adopting from a different culture, but here were faces with stories of how even the most optimistic family faced challenges in a trans-racial family.

We live in rural Indiana with little racial diversity, so we knew an African child would stand out in a crowd here. Some of the families opened up about real challenges with overcoming stereotypes and racism among family members. Others had no problem with Indianians, rather the child themselves noticed the glaring differences in appearance at school, at church, at Wal-Mart. One family told of how just in recent days they had found the adopted child scrubbing his skin "white." My ridiculous optimism lessened in this conversation. Adopting a child with a different cultural heritage and ethnicity, I began to realize, wouldn't come without its challenges.

In the end, however, we encouragement abounded. These families offered a type of support we couldn't find anywhere else. And, after each meeting with each unique family, we felt God telling us, "This is for you." So, we kept praying and the doors or adoption began to open.