Back to the adoption progress...and a bump in the road where we discover how stupid and stubborn we are.
After we had been officially matched with a set of boy/girl twins from Ghana, we had paperwork to complete. The documents that the foreign government requires are often referred to as the "dossier." For Ghana, the documents were manageable to gather, sign, and pass along to our adoption agency. The entire process in gathering these documents was about a month (but would have been about half that time if we would have remembered to sign the most important one!).
Upon beginning our official process with Cradle of Hope, they offered to place Edmond and Edina in Ghanian foster care until we are able to bring them home. This is an outstanding opportunity, and we felt confident about the process in general and love the personal feel of connecting with the orphanage director over the foster family selection. In fact, a few months prior, the agency handling our home-study excitedly encouraged us to get them out of the orphanage and into a home if it was ever offered to us. They had seen countless benefits from cases past in which foster care had greatly enhanced the transition process of inter-country adoptions. Here we were, with an excellent proposition.
However, there was a price.
Now, this won't paint a very pretty picture of Tim and I...but it is where we are (were) at. I'm just keeping it real here!
International adoption is expensive. We knew that going into the process. We understood that if God was calling us to this, he would give us means to cover any financial requirement. But this foster care cost was hard to swallow.
First of all, we were certain that the amount they needed, or charged, greatly exceeded the amount we imagined a child (or two) required for monthly care in Ghana. We knew they would be fed better than the one meal of beans and rice they received at the orphanage, but couldn't imagine food in Ghana being more expensive than food in the U.S. We also counted the cost of schooling and some lodging costs and our numbers were still much less that what they wanted us to contribute every month.
Secondly, we wondered, where would all that money go? We were sure our kids would reap the benefits, but with all of it?!?!? Tim has been especially leery during this entire process, politely asking the agency to clarify procedures and requirements to ensure ethical behavior on our end and theirs. Would this money be entirely used for ethical purposes? We didn't know. We couldn't know. Sure, the agency said that it would. Was their word enough?
Third, this cost was something we hadn't planned on. We had money for our adoption saved, but this cost would add a substantial amount to our bottom line. And, unlike the other expenses that came a bit at a time and then in one hunk, this would be a consistent withdrawal from our coveted savings.
There, I said it, "coveted." It was our money. We had worked hard for it and wanted to use it in the adoption process, but for the end goal...not during and because of the process to people we weren't sure we could trust.
But time was running out. If we wanted our kids to be placed in a home, we needed to send three months of foster care money, NOW.
We knew we would do it. THEY WERE OUR KIDS, FOR PETE'S SAKE. We thought about our biological kids in an orphanage setting with an opportunity to live in a house with a bathroom, kitchen table, and mamma to tuck them in at night and longed for Edmond and Edina to have the same. Yes, it was time to send a check.
I remember the day we sent it. I was off work for the afternoon, addressing other adoption paperwork. Tim and I met at home to look at our checklist and take care of everything possible in those few hours. At around 1:00, Tim wrote the check out, addressed the envelope, placed a stamp in the top corner, and cringed.
"Let's pray over this." I suggested, still feeling uneasy about sending our money off into the great unknown.
And so we prayed. Prayers that the money would be used wisely. Asking God to help us to let go of our money. Pleading that he would use it to care greatly for our kids in Ghana. We prayed for God to help us understand that this check and situation was in his hands and not ours.
Three hours later, we felt God smile (maybe even chuckle) over us.
The kids came home from school and I was busy helping them with school work when Tim came in from the mailbox. He was going through the mail and he passed me an opened envelope and said with a smirk on his face, "Here, look at this...I think you'll find it very interesting."
With a curious look of my own, I felt the small, thick note. When I opened the simple, handwritten note, cash fell onto my arm....lots of cash. The note simply said, "Tim, Lana + Family, Please use this for your adoption. Praying that everything goes well." I counted the money....almost an entire month's worth of money we were required to pay for foster care!
Tears formed again. (I'm not usually a crier, I promise. This whole adoption thing and watching God work is amazing enough to warrant tears, even from me!)
Hadn't we prayed two hours before about money? Hadn't we doubted the process and our capability two hours prior? Hadn't we struggled to "let go" of "our" cash to aid the two orphans we've been praying for?
Yes, God was smiling. He knew that we had no clue about "our" money. He knew that we held too tightly to what seemed rightfully ours. He knew we were being stubborn and stupid, even in this no-brainer situation to help our kids.
He showed us.
He showed us that our money is not really ours. Just like the money in the envelope was not really ours...or the anonymous giver's. He showed us that HE alone is the provider.
And he can be very generous.
Since that afternoon, we have received a similar envelope in the mail, covering another entire month's foster care. And in our sharing, a couple had previously asked if they could do the same. So, here we are, one month into foster care for Edmond and Edina and the Lord has paid for every day of it and the next two months to come!
We trust that He will continue to provide. (Side note, Tim plows snow for extra money in the winters and to date he has pushed snow 3 times more so far this year than any other year!) God is good, even when we are stupid and stubborn.
We have since created an account with adopttogether.com for such donations. At this web address, anyone can donate to our adoption and receive a receipt (the gift can be tax deductible) and be assured that the money is used for adoption expenses only. We are granted money from our account only when we show receipts of our adoption expenses and it must be approved by their board of directors.
Please do not feel obligated, but if you've wondered how to help or give, this is the answer. The right side bar of this blog has a direct link to our AdoptTogether profile and account and will take you through the donation process painlessly. Or, if you want to give, but not online, you can always send an anonymous note and make me cry:)
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
Monday, December 9, 2013
A Different Kind of Christmas
Christmas will be different this year. Tim and I discussed a while back that we should cut back or even forego all the gift-giving this Christmas.
Tim is always looking for a way out of the commercialism and the "gimme" fever that settles in our house every November 26th (or so...depending on when the Black Friday ads come out). I, on the other hand, love, love, love gift giving and I'm at the height of my game during the holidays! But, after discussing with Tim, I realized that it would be difficult to celebrate fully around the Christmas tree on December 25th knowing two of our kids are spending Christmas morning in a steamy country across the ocean with much less fanfare. We also acknowledged that it would be an excellent area to cut back in because our kids really don't need anything. And, Tim argued, it was an opportunity to live with less and nurture the value of contentment in our kids. It sounded so idealistic.
Well, we received our first text about exchanging names for Christmas a few weeks ago, which I avoided because I didn't know what to say. Were we really going to sit out? Our idealistic idea turned into a picture of genuine torture for the Shoaf kids. I could see clearly in my mind, all of the Shoaf cousins "oohing" and "aahing" over perfectly picked gifts they exchanged while our poor, pitiful four would longingly look at beautifully wrapped packages, trying not to show their jealousy, secretly wishing one was for them. Ugh. We needed to talk.
We brought it up over dinner (a lot of things happen over dinner, I am realizing as I continue to post to my blog!). Tim just flat out asked the kids what they really wanted to do. Did they want a regular Christmas, or did they want to try to sacrifice gifts this year so that next year we could do Christmas with all SIX of our kids?
We were surprised at the responses.
Ally was very fine with it. Keep in mind, she has "Kisses From Katie" mentality and would give just about anything for an orphan.
Grace toughed through it. She was clearly struggling, but agreed that it was the right thing to do.
Jackson spoke matter-of-fact about the whole issue. Concluding that it certainly was the right thing to do.
Josie's excitement was difficult to hide. She loved the idea!
Well, that was easier than we thought. It was decided: there would be no gifts around our Christmas tree this Christmas. Next, we asked about family exchanges and what they thought about those, and the responses were the same. There would be absolutely no gift-buying in our household this Christmas.
We told Tim's family about it over the weekend. With nods, they told us they understood.
Tim's family is rather large. He has two older sisters and they have three kids a piece. He also has three step-sisters, two of them also have kids. Brooke has two darling girls and Steph has four (a singlet and then a set of triplets...don't drink the water at our Christmases unless you want to run the risk of having multiples!). Christmastime at Grandpa Jack and Grandma Sue's is quite the ordeal. The tree skirt can't be seen with the mountain of gifts piled under and around the tree! We have a family exchange, and Jack and Sue are always gracious with their gifts, so there is plenty to go around on Christmas Day.
That's why Sue's text the next day came as a surprise. She asked if it was okay if we forgot about the exchange altogether and had all the kids bring a small gift for Edmond and Edina.
Oh my!
Tears came to my eyes again. Then I felt guilty. This had not been our motive or imagined outcome. I apologized and reassured her that we didn't want anyone to feel like they also had to give up the exchange.
Then she told me it was all Brooke's idea. Brooke knew that kids even as small as hers would make complete sense of giving up a Christmas gift for cousins waiting to join our family from across the ocean. So, now those darling little girls with pigtails are shopping for kids they've never met but want to love. My heart melts just thinking of it!
I can't think of a better "different" way to celebrate the birth of love itself. Tim and I are incredibly blessed with this opportunity to add to our family. We are beside ourselves in our wait to meet our kids for the first time! We can't wait to go through these gifts with our kids in Africa and show them photos of all the aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents waiting to share life with them and love them in a "Christmas" kind of way all the time.
Yes, this different kind of Christmas may just be one of our favorites so far! (Although, Lord willing, the next one's sure to be pretty historic!)
Tim is always looking for a way out of the commercialism and the "gimme" fever that settles in our house every November 26th (or so...depending on when the Black Friday ads come out). I, on the other hand, love, love, love gift giving and I'm at the height of my game during the holidays! But, after discussing with Tim, I realized that it would be difficult to celebrate fully around the Christmas tree on December 25th knowing two of our kids are spending Christmas morning in a steamy country across the ocean with much less fanfare. We also acknowledged that it would be an excellent area to cut back in because our kids really don't need anything. And, Tim argued, it was an opportunity to live with less and nurture the value of contentment in our kids. It sounded so idealistic.
Well, we received our first text about exchanging names for Christmas a few weeks ago, which I avoided because I didn't know what to say. Were we really going to sit out? Our idealistic idea turned into a picture of genuine torture for the Shoaf kids. I could see clearly in my mind, all of the Shoaf cousins "oohing" and "aahing" over perfectly picked gifts they exchanged while our poor, pitiful four would longingly look at beautifully wrapped packages, trying not to show their jealousy, secretly wishing one was for them. Ugh. We needed to talk.
We brought it up over dinner (a lot of things happen over dinner, I am realizing as I continue to post to my blog!). Tim just flat out asked the kids what they really wanted to do. Did they want a regular Christmas, or did they want to try to sacrifice gifts this year so that next year we could do Christmas with all SIX of our kids?
We were surprised at the responses.
Ally was very fine with it. Keep in mind, she has "Kisses From Katie" mentality and would give just about anything for an orphan.
Grace toughed through it. She was clearly struggling, but agreed that it was the right thing to do.
Jackson spoke matter-of-fact about the whole issue. Concluding that it certainly was the right thing to do.
Josie's excitement was difficult to hide. She loved the idea!
Well, that was easier than we thought. It was decided: there would be no gifts around our Christmas tree this Christmas. Next, we asked about family exchanges and what they thought about those, and the responses were the same. There would be absolutely no gift-buying in our household this Christmas.
We told Tim's family about it over the weekend. With nods, they told us they understood.
Tim's family is rather large. He has two older sisters and they have three kids a piece. He also has three step-sisters, two of them also have kids. Brooke has two darling girls and Steph has four (a singlet and then a set of triplets...don't drink the water at our Christmases unless you want to run the risk of having multiples!). Christmastime at Grandpa Jack and Grandma Sue's is quite the ordeal. The tree skirt can't be seen with the mountain of gifts piled under and around the tree! We have a family exchange, and Jack and Sue are always gracious with their gifts, so there is plenty to go around on Christmas Day.
That's why Sue's text the next day came as a surprise. She asked if it was okay if we forgot about the exchange altogether and had all the kids bring a small gift for Edmond and Edina.
Oh my!
Tears came to my eyes again. Then I felt guilty. This had not been our motive or imagined outcome. I apologized and reassured her that we didn't want anyone to feel like they also had to give up the exchange.
Then she told me it was all Brooke's idea. Brooke knew that kids even as small as hers would make complete sense of giving up a Christmas gift for cousins waiting to join our family from across the ocean. So, now those darling little girls with pigtails are shopping for kids they've never met but want to love. My heart melts just thinking of it!
I can't think of a better "different" way to celebrate the birth of love itself. Tim and I are incredibly blessed with this opportunity to add to our family. We are beside ourselves in our wait to meet our kids for the first time! We can't wait to go through these gifts with our kids in Africa and show them photos of all the aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents waiting to share life with them and love them in a "Christmas" kind of way all the time.
Yes, this different kind of Christmas may just be one of our favorites so far! (Although, Lord willing, the next one's sure to be pretty historic!)
Sunday, November 24, 2013
I Am Crazy
Our presentation at church blessed us! We were able to share transparently the journey God asked us to take one step at a time. We admitted to them that we weren't sure about the outcome. We told them about Edmond and Edina, but clearly stated they were just one option in the wide world of international adoption.
Individuals and couples encouraged us in the next days and weeks. They wanted to share with us. Without us asking, they began inquiring about how they could financially give (tears....God's people are his very hands at times!). Yes, our church would be our support. We were confident in that and translated the message to Chris, the social worker responsible for finding a forever family for Edmond and Edina.
With the blessing came...well, other stuff. Now everybody knew how crazy we were. Before this, we could be selective with whom we shared our adoption process. After sharing freely with whomever chose to show up at church, we knew that word would get out that we were adopting two kids from Africa (translated: crazy).
I'm not gonna lie. Something told me that when a conversation landed on the Shoafs, people would speculate our motivation, capability, sanity. And so the second-guessing continued...some days worse than others.
This was bad timing for second-guessing....Cradle of Hope sent an e-mail entitled, "Welcome Aboard!"
We were officially matched. Our home study was complete and Edmond and Edina were reserved for the Shoaf family pending international documentation and approval. This is what we had been working for!
Tim and I were excited to be officially matched and conveyed the news over dinner to the kids. They began discussing sleeping arrangements, offering their bedrooms for sharing. And if the second-guessing wasn't enough, the reality of having two more kids began to weigh on me. Was I going to go crazy?
Then I found it.
I was sitting in church on a Wednesday night. Tim worked late and didn't make it in with us. Josie had dropped my Bible the day before, causing all of my "inserted notes" to fall out. Bless her heart, she cleaned them up off the floor and shoved them back in my Bible, but the bulky mis-placed notes were making it difficult for me to navigate the Scripture passages being taught by our pastor. Desperately trying not to show my aggravation, I flipped a chunk of pages to discover a small, home-made booklet with "Haiti 2012" printed on the makeshift cover. It was my journal from Haiti!
Throughout our adoption process, I had often wondered if I documented any information about the children we grew close to from the Mission of Hope orphanage. As the pastor continued teaching, I flipped through the pages...memories came flooding back. One of the last things written in the journal took my breath away. In my own handwriting from July 8, 2012, I read:
"We have seen first hand, these poor children in the village and their parents' request is always that they could go to school. I also spoke with Abby, a staff person, who shared more personally. Lydia was with me and we discussed adoption. This is the first time in my life I have ever felt the nudge to ask more about adopting. After seeing so many twins in the orphanage, I asked her why they have a lot of twins. She said they were viewed as a curse and were many times unwanted. That broke my heart! Back home, twins are quite the opposite. I thought, if I could adopt a set of twins out of this poverty and their stigma, I would do it in a second. I will continue to pray about this."
Our pastor kept speaking, but for me, time stopped. Had I written this?!?! I remember that conversation. I remember having those thoughts and I vaguely remember a prayer time on the roof...but those memories were foggy. Here it was, in writing. God was bringing to pass what I had prayed. He was in the details....and twins even!
Yes, I was crazy. There was no more second-guessing that. But now I knew that I was crazy because God is crazy. He is crazy about His people and working things out for good. He is crazy about the afflicted. He is crazy because He uses ordinary people to carry out extraordinary things.
I am crazy. But I don't care. God will use imperfect people in crazy situations to work out miraculous details. Scripture is full of them. Hebrews 11 had become my comfort in knowing that God does crazy things. And now I felt like I was living part of this crazy thing called "faith." I know God planted that journal on Wednesday night because he knew I needed to know that I was the best kind of crazy there is.
Individuals and couples encouraged us in the next days and weeks. They wanted to share with us. Without us asking, they began inquiring about how they could financially give (tears....God's people are his very hands at times!). Yes, our church would be our support. We were confident in that and translated the message to Chris, the social worker responsible for finding a forever family for Edmond and Edina.
With the blessing came...well, other stuff. Now everybody knew how crazy we were. Before this, we could be selective with whom we shared our adoption process. After sharing freely with whomever chose to show up at church, we knew that word would get out that we were adopting two kids from Africa (translated: crazy).
I'm not gonna lie. Something told me that when a conversation landed on the Shoafs, people would speculate our motivation, capability, sanity. And so the second-guessing continued...some days worse than others.
This was bad timing for second-guessing....Cradle of Hope sent an e-mail entitled, "Welcome Aboard!"
We were officially matched. Our home study was complete and Edmond and Edina were reserved for the Shoaf family pending international documentation and approval. This is what we had been working for!
Tim and I were excited to be officially matched and conveyed the news over dinner to the kids. They began discussing sleeping arrangements, offering their bedrooms for sharing. And if the second-guessing wasn't enough, the reality of having two more kids began to weigh on me. Was I going to go crazy?
Then I found it.
I was sitting in church on a Wednesday night. Tim worked late and didn't make it in with us. Josie had dropped my Bible the day before, causing all of my "inserted notes" to fall out. Bless her heart, she cleaned them up off the floor and shoved them back in my Bible, but the bulky mis-placed notes were making it difficult for me to navigate the Scripture passages being taught by our pastor. Desperately trying not to show my aggravation, I flipped a chunk of pages to discover a small, home-made booklet with "Haiti 2012" printed on the makeshift cover. It was my journal from Haiti!
Throughout our adoption process, I had often wondered if I documented any information about the children we grew close to from the Mission of Hope orphanage. As the pastor continued teaching, I flipped through the pages...memories came flooding back. One of the last things written in the journal took my breath away. In my own handwriting from July 8, 2012, I read:
"We have seen first hand, these poor children in the village and their parents' request is always that they could go to school. I also spoke with Abby, a staff person, who shared more personally. Lydia was with me and we discussed adoption. This is the first time in my life I have ever felt the nudge to ask more about adopting. After seeing so many twins in the orphanage, I asked her why they have a lot of twins. She said they were viewed as a curse and were many times unwanted. That broke my heart! Back home, twins are quite the opposite. I thought, if I could adopt a set of twins out of this poverty and their stigma, I would do it in a second. I will continue to pray about this."
Our pastor kept speaking, but for me, time stopped. Had I written this?!?! I remember that conversation. I remember having those thoughts and I vaguely remember a prayer time on the roof...but those memories were foggy. Here it was, in writing. God was bringing to pass what I had prayed. He was in the details....and twins even!
Yes, I was crazy. There was no more second-guessing that. But now I knew that I was crazy because God is crazy. He is crazy about His people and working things out for good. He is crazy about the afflicted. He is crazy because He uses ordinary people to carry out extraordinary things.
I am crazy. But I don't care. God will use imperfect people in crazy situations to work out miraculous details. Scripture is full of them. Hebrews 11 had become my comfort in knowing that God does crazy things. And now I felt like I was living part of this crazy thing called "faith." I know God planted that journal on Wednesday night because he knew I needed to know that I was the best kind of crazy there is.
Saturday, November 23, 2013
Yes! No. Maybe?
Our Gateway Woods consultation prompted a phone call to Cradle of Hope, an adoption agency from Maryland with an adorable listing....twins that wedged their way into my heart and onto my prayer list. I spoke with a social worker named Chris, mentioning that I had previously inquired about the listing and asked if they were still available for adoption.
"I haven't received a single inquiry about these two," he replied.
My heart broke. My initial discovery of Edmond and Edina happened weeks, almost two months before. They were perfect and yet nobody thought so....except me. I knew this meant a couple of things.
First, I realized, with new understanding, how difficult placing orphans must be. Chris suggested some may have been deterred because there were two of them. He also suggested that the age of the twins, 5 1/2, could be a factor in the difficult placement.
"Oh, Edmond and Edina!" I wanted to tell them, "You are not unwanted!"
Then I realized that this may just be God making a way for Edmond and Edina to be placed in the perfect family for them....OURS. Waves of excitement, relief, reluctance, love, and fear washed over me. Was God going to place these two in our family?!?! Were we ready for this?
Yes!
No.
Maybe?
I kept in touch with Chris, passing along information about our family and situation so he could give us an idea if this match had potential. Countless e-mails sent back and forth finally eluded to positive feedback from Chris and Cradle of Hope. As soon as our home study was complete, they would officially match our family with the twins and begin the international documents!
Just as my initial response evoked many emotions, so did our wait. Should we tell the kids? How do we pray? Could I picture them at my supper table, chiming in on our crazy family dinner conversations?
Yes!
No.
Maybe?
My heart wanted to invest, but my brain told me to, "...hold off." I would begin to play out scenarios in my head that always began with, "Well, when we have two more kids, we'll...." and would always end with, "Stop. They aren't yours," followed by a schizophrenic prayer about Edmond and Edina. I know God has processed those completely and perfectly, but probably chuckled at my reluctance and rephrasing on hundreds of occasions.
We continued forward in our part, collecting documents, sending e-mails, praying, praying, praying. At one point, Cradle of Hope asked for a finance plan on our adoption. How were we going to pay for this? Did we have support from others? So, we studied the costs outlined in their documents and devised a plan from our savings account.
But we were short. Adopting two kids instead of one added costs that we had not counted.
We knew that God could provide. He would provide. But how do you say that on paper? We asked Chris that question and he said he would need evidence of support. We decided to share with our pastor this crazy plan laid out before us and see where he would suggest we begin in covering the difference for our financial plan.
We thought maybe he'd just sign off and say, "Sure. Tell him you'll have support!" And then later help us figure out a way for fundraising. But he didn't. He said, "You need to share this with the church. Get a presentation ready...we have an opening three weeks from now during an evening service."
Gulp.
Our kids weren't even convinced we were serious about adopting (because we had been so reserved in our communication about being matched...it wasn't official yet!) and now we needed to share with our church?!?!
We didn't feel ready. We didn't feel qualified. We didn't feel like the timing was right. Good thing God doesn't push us to do things that "feel" right.
We discovered that first, laying out our journey was a blessing to us. We created a Power Point presentation with pictures detailing God's hand in our adoption process so far. We counted our blessings. God had been with us. This reminder gave us confidence that he was involved in every detail...even in our presentation before the church. Second, we were reminded that although adoption is an unsure process, it is okay...even good, to be transparent with people. We so wanted that in our presentation. We wanted our church family to know our struggles and hesitations, our yes, nos, and maybes. We wanted our church family to know how heavily we relied on Hebrews 11. We wanted our church family to know that he does not call the equipped, but equips the called. Confidence in our adoption story was gaining and we were excited to share.
"I haven't received a single inquiry about these two," he replied.
My heart broke. My initial discovery of Edmond and Edina happened weeks, almost two months before. They were perfect and yet nobody thought so....except me. I knew this meant a couple of things.
First, I realized, with new understanding, how difficult placing orphans must be. Chris suggested some may have been deterred because there were two of them. He also suggested that the age of the twins, 5 1/2, could be a factor in the difficult placement.
"Oh, Edmond and Edina!" I wanted to tell them, "You are not unwanted!"
Then I realized that this may just be God making a way for Edmond and Edina to be placed in the perfect family for them....OURS. Waves of excitement, relief, reluctance, love, and fear washed over me. Was God going to place these two in our family?!?! Were we ready for this?
Yes!
No.
Maybe?
I kept in touch with Chris, passing along information about our family and situation so he could give us an idea if this match had potential. Countless e-mails sent back and forth finally eluded to positive feedback from Chris and Cradle of Hope. As soon as our home study was complete, they would officially match our family with the twins and begin the international documents!
Just as my initial response evoked many emotions, so did our wait. Should we tell the kids? How do we pray? Could I picture them at my supper table, chiming in on our crazy family dinner conversations?
Yes!
No.
Maybe?
My heart wanted to invest, but my brain told me to, "...hold off." I would begin to play out scenarios in my head that always began with, "Well, when we have two more kids, we'll...." and would always end with, "Stop. They aren't yours," followed by a schizophrenic prayer about Edmond and Edina. I know God has processed those completely and perfectly, but probably chuckled at my reluctance and rephrasing on hundreds of occasions.
We continued forward in our part, collecting documents, sending e-mails, praying, praying, praying. At one point, Cradle of Hope asked for a finance plan on our adoption. How were we going to pay for this? Did we have support from others? So, we studied the costs outlined in their documents and devised a plan from our savings account.
But we were short. Adopting two kids instead of one added costs that we had not counted.
We knew that God could provide. He would provide. But how do you say that on paper? We asked Chris that question and he said he would need evidence of support. We decided to share with our pastor this crazy plan laid out before us and see where he would suggest we begin in covering the difference for our financial plan.
We thought maybe he'd just sign off and say, "Sure. Tell him you'll have support!" And then later help us figure out a way for fundraising. But he didn't. He said, "You need to share this with the church. Get a presentation ready...we have an opening three weeks from now during an evening service."
Gulp.
Our kids weren't even convinced we were serious about adopting (because we had been so reserved in our communication about being matched...it wasn't official yet!) and now we needed to share with our church?!?!
We didn't feel ready. We didn't feel qualified. We didn't feel like the timing was right. Good thing God doesn't push us to do things that "feel" right.
We discovered that first, laying out our journey was a blessing to us. We created a Power Point presentation with pictures detailing God's hand in our adoption process so far. We counted our blessings. God had been with us. This reminder gave us confidence that he was involved in every detail...even in our presentation before the church. Second, we were reminded that although adoption is an unsure process, it is okay...even good, to be transparent with people. We so wanted that in our presentation. We wanted our church family to know our struggles and hesitations, our yes, nos, and maybes. We wanted our church family to know how heavily we relied on Hebrews 11. We wanted our church family to know that he does not call the equipped, but equips the called. Confidence in our adoption story was gaining and we were excited to share.
Go Time
Summer's end neared and we still hadn't done anything to move an adoption forward. Tim and I both felt that it was time to act. After finding Edmond and Edina's faces on Rainbowkids.com, I contacted their listing agency. The reply seemed an end to that option as they indicated that families with a completed home study was the starting point with that sibling group. That was not us.
However, I knew that God had a plan for those orphans and he had a plan for us. We decided to call a local Christian agency that offered social services including home studies. Gateway Woods was an organization that I had grown up knowing well. I had distant relatives that had moved the forty miles north to Gateway Woods when I was an adolescent and I remembered that they had moved there to be "houseparents" to troubled foster kids. Every year, we would attend the fundraising auction that our church denomination held to aid and grow the campus of Gateway Woods.
Tim and I made the short drive to Leo, Indiana, finding a much larger campus than I had remembered as a young adult. We met with the adoption coordinator there (she happened to be a dear friend of my mother's from when they lived in Bluffton) who flooded us with information on adoption and the services they provide.
One pleasantly surprising detail we discovered was the opportunity to adopt from a handful of countries. We know from Loving Shepherd Ministries that Ethiopia was a viable option, but Gateway plays a major roll in many international adoptions and she gave us recent, real stories of families just like ours also adopting from the Congo and Niger. She added that because each orphan is different, sometimes countries will overlook laws in order to place orphans, especially if they are older. Because we wanted to adopt an older child (or children), she thought we would also be eligible to adopt from other countries.
This seemed freeing to us! Other families had recently applied, been matched, and brought kids home just like we intended! For the first time, we looked at each other with expressions that said, "We are really doing this!"
At the end of our consultation (at no charge!), she asked if we were ready to move forward to which we responded together, "Yes!"
She advised us to begin with our home study and passed a stack of paperwork across her desk to us. The packet would guide us through the document collection we would be doing for the next few weeks. She set another appointment up for us and said, "At that appointment, we will need to know from which country you are interested in adopting."
We immediately replied, "Well, you tell us...we have no clue and really just want whatever God makes available to us." We reassured her that we were fairly flexible and wanted her expert advice in choosing a location from which to adopt. This seemed too big a decision to arbitrarily make.
She then asked, "Well, do you have any leads? Have you seen any photos of waiting kids?"
Tim looked at me and his face said to me, "Ummmm, do those twins count?"
Of course, I immediately chimed in, "Well, I did see an adorable photo of twins! I don't know much about them, I only know the agency wanted a family with a completed home study."
A smile spread across her face as she said, "Twins! Well, they would fit right into your family! Won't your parents be tickled...another set of twins for the Smith family!" She laughed and encouraged me to contact them again to see if they were still available for adoption After asking several questions about the agency, she assured us that it seemed like a legitimate option. She also gave us names of other agencies from the countries she had mentioned that also have photo listings of older children and sibling sets in case the twins were not an option anymore.
Oh my....we had a plan! WE WERE DOING THIS!
We felt for the first time that we had someone willing to work for us, advocate for us, pray for us and with us, and guide us in this foreign process. We also felt a bit more overwhelmed as the details began revealing themselves. Adoption is a costly and rigorous process. Yes, we had a lot to talk about on the way home from Leo that night...a conversation that continued for the next several days.
However, I knew that God had a plan for those orphans and he had a plan for us. We decided to call a local Christian agency that offered social services including home studies. Gateway Woods was an organization that I had grown up knowing well. I had distant relatives that had moved the forty miles north to Gateway Woods when I was an adolescent and I remembered that they had moved there to be "houseparents" to troubled foster kids. Every year, we would attend the fundraising auction that our church denomination held to aid and grow the campus of Gateway Woods.
Tim and I made the short drive to Leo, Indiana, finding a much larger campus than I had remembered as a young adult. We met with the adoption coordinator there (she happened to be a dear friend of my mother's from when they lived in Bluffton) who flooded us with information on adoption and the services they provide.
One pleasantly surprising detail we discovered was the opportunity to adopt from a handful of countries. We know from Loving Shepherd Ministries that Ethiopia was a viable option, but Gateway plays a major roll in many international adoptions and she gave us recent, real stories of families just like ours also adopting from the Congo and Niger. She added that because each orphan is different, sometimes countries will overlook laws in order to place orphans, especially if they are older. Because we wanted to adopt an older child (or children), she thought we would also be eligible to adopt from other countries.
This seemed freeing to us! Other families had recently applied, been matched, and brought kids home just like we intended! For the first time, we looked at each other with expressions that said, "We are really doing this!"
At the end of our consultation (at no charge!), she asked if we were ready to move forward to which we responded together, "Yes!"
She advised us to begin with our home study and passed a stack of paperwork across her desk to us. The packet would guide us through the document collection we would be doing for the next few weeks. She set another appointment up for us and said, "At that appointment, we will need to know from which country you are interested in adopting."
We immediately replied, "Well, you tell us...we have no clue and really just want whatever God makes available to us." We reassured her that we were fairly flexible and wanted her expert advice in choosing a location from which to adopt. This seemed too big a decision to arbitrarily make.
She then asked, "Well, do you have any leads? Have you seen any photos of waiting kids?"
Tim looked at me and his face said to me, "Ummmm, do those twins count?"
Of course, I immediately chimed in, "Well, I did see an adorable photo of twins! I don't know much about them, I only know the agency wanted a family with a completed home study."
A smile spread across her face as she said, "Twins! Well, they would fit right into your family! Won't your parents be tickled...another set of twins for the Smith family!" She laughed and encouraged me to contact them again to see if they were still available for adoption After asking several questions about the agency, she assured us that it seemed like a legitimate option. She also gave us names of other agencies from the countries she had mentioned that also have photo listings of older children and sibling sets in case the twins were not an option anymore.
Oh my....we had a plan! WE WERE DOING THIS!
We felt for the first time that we had someone willing to work for us, advocate for us, pray for us and with us, and guide us in this foreign process. We also felt a bit more overwhelmed as the details began revealing themselves. Adoption is a costly and rigorous process. Yes, we had a lot to talk about on the way home from Leo that night...a conversation that continued for the next several days.
Saturday, November 9, 2013
Faces With Names
Our meetings with local adoptive families spurred me on! I was ready to research and explore options for adoption. With list in hand, I looked at recommended agency web-sites and prepared to sign on the dotted line with our money, hope, and future to an agency. But that is a very difficult thing to do.
Tim and I both felt paralyzed. We wanted to start, but how? We knew enough to be dangerous...but not enough to really commit. In my aimless exploration, I stumbled upon a web-site called Rainbowkids.com. And that is where I first saw them.
The site exists to help families adopt and specifically tries to encourage families to adopt children from around the world who are hard to place. The site contained great information for families interested in adoption, so I kept clicking around on the site until it asked if I wanted to see pictures of waiting kids. YES, I WANTED TO SEE PICTURES OF WAITING KIDS! And so, I added a user name a password (was I really doing this?!?!) to get a glimpse of children waiting for a family.
I knew this decision could be dangerous...especially when I logged in and saw #1 of some 1,700 waiting kids. An orphan seems like someone far away. A distant prayer request. But this orphan had a face with a name. My eyes softened, right along with my heart. Good thing I didn't have any plans that night.
The photos I saw on my initial visit to Rainbow kids were from Asia, Africa, Eastern Europe, and the United States. I learned that disabilities made placing kids extremely difficult. I understood why. Tim and I weren't opposed to a child (or sibling set) with disabilities, but seeing them here with names made that become much more real. What could we handle...were we really up for this?
About two-thirds of the way through, I found a little girl from Africa. I remember thinking, I shouldn't even be pulling this one up...a boy would be much better suited for our family. Then, instead of one African girl, I was looking at an African boy with an African girl. I hungrily read the information....a girl, with a brother, healthy, but considered too old to be easily placed. And then I looked at their birth dates. They were TWINS!
I remember thinking right away, "Don't get too excited, Lana. You are far from an adoption. Keep researching." But I couldn't. After viewing every last one of the 1,700 orphans on Rainbowkids.com, I realized that I had "saved" only two files...the two files from that set of twins in Africa. I showed Ally (Tim wasn't home) and she immediately melted. Not only were they twins, but seemingly healthy, and from Africa no less!
Of course, I told Tim about it when he returned home that night. And of course, he told me not to get too excited because we were a long way off from deciding what direction our adoption would take.
Regardless, I had a set of twins to pray for and they had names: Edmond and Edina (I loved those names!). I didn't care if it was a long shot for these two to join our family, I prayed they would be placed in the family God had waiting for them. (And if that happened to be us, that would be fine with me!)
Tim and I both felt paralyzed. We wanted to start, but how? We knew enough to be dangerous...but not enough to really commit. In my aimless exploration, I stumbled upon a web-site called Rainbowkids.com. And that is where I first saw them.
The site exists to help families adopt and specifically tries to encourage families to adopt children from around the world who are hard to place. The site contained great information for families interested in adoption, so I kept clicking around on the site until it asked if I wanted to see pictures of waiting kids. YES, I WANTED TO SEE PICTURES OF WAITING KIDS! And so, I added a user name a password (was I really doing this?!?!) to get a glimpse of children waiting for a family.
I knew this decision could be dangerous...especially when I logged in and saw #1 of some 1,700 waiting kids. An orphan seems like someone far away. A distant prayer request. But this orphan had a face with a name. My eyes softened, right along with my heart. Good thing I didn't have any plans that night.
The photos I saw on my initial visit to Rainbow kids were from Asia, Africa, Eastern Europe, and the United States. I learned that disabilities made placing kids extremely difficult. I understood why. Tim and I weren't opposed to a child (or sibling set) with disabilities, but seeing them here with names made that become much more real. What could we handle...were we really up for this?
About two-thirds of the way through, I found a little girl from Africa. I remember thinking, I shouldn't even be pulling this one up...a boy would be much better suited for our family. Then, instead of one African girl, I was looking at an African boy with an African girl. I hungrily read the information....a girl, with a brother, healthy, but considered too old to be easily placed. And then I looked at their birth dates. They were TWINS!
I remember thinking right away, "Don't get too excited, Lana. You are far from an adoption. Keep researching." But I couldn't. After viewing every last one of the 1,700 orphans on Rainbowkids.com, I realized that I had "saved" only two files...the two files from that set of twins in Africa. I showed Ally (Tim wasn't home) and she immediately melted. Not only were they twins, but seemingly healthy, and from Africa no less!
Of course, I told Tim about it when he returned home that night. And of course, he told me not to get too excited because we were a long way off from deciding what direction our adoption would take.
Regardless, I had a set of twins to pray for and they had names: Edmond and Edina (I loved those names!). I didn't care if it was a long shot for these two to join our family, I prayed they would be placed in the family God had waiting for them. (And if that happened to be us, that would be fine with me!)
Saturday, November 2, 2013
The Pros Weigh In
After learning a little about adoption programs, but not knowing where to turn, we looked to the professionals...friends who walked the road of adoption. We brainstormed a list families in the area we knew had adopted and spent the summer planning dinner engagements with each family. We specifically called families who had adopted from Ethiopia, hoping to learn more about the Ethiopian program.
The families revealed more about the adoption process than any agency could afford. After meeting with three families, we recognized common sentiment among them. First, they all said if given the opportunity to do over, they would 100% adopt again. Reassurance flooded our souls with these statements. Real people sharing real stories, with rough edges and ugly spots even, and every single one of them said adoption was more than worth it!
Secondly, the families suggested adopting more than one child. Without noticing, every family we invited over for dinner had adopted more than once. When addressing this topic, they all recommended adopting more than one child because we were considering trans-racial adoption. And so began our "sibling group" conversation. Because we were looking for an older child, sibling groups would make sense, we thought. The only problem: our age range was too tight for most sibling groups. Over the summer, we decide that we would be open and perhaps even prefer a sibling group and decided God would have to place the perfect set in our hands.
The third realization these families brought forth was the difficulty in diversity. We initially realized the challenges and uniqueness of adopting from a different culture, but here were faces with stories of how even the most optimistic family faced challenges in a trans-racial family.
We live in rural Indiana with little racial diversity, so we knew an African child would stand out in a crowd here. Some of the families opened up about real challenges with overcoming stereotypes and racism among family members. Others had no problem with Indianians, rather the child themselves noticed the glaring differences in appearance at school, at church, at Wal-Mart. One family told of how just in recent days they had found the adopted child scrubbing his skin "white." My ridiculous optimism lessened in this conversation. Adopting a child with a different cultural heritage and ethnicity, I began to realize, wouldn't come without its challenges.
In the end, however, we encouragement abounded. These families offered a type of support we couldn't find anywhere else. And, after each meeting with each unique family, we felt God telling us, "This is for you." So, we kept praying and the doors or adoption began to open.
The families revealed more about the adoption process than any agency could afford. After meeting with three families, we recognized common sentiment among them. First, they all said if given the opportunity to do over, they would 100% adopt again. Reassurance flooded our souls with these statements. Real people sharing real stories, with rough edges and ugly spots even, and every single one of them said adoption was more than worth it!
Secondly, the families suggested adopting more than one child. Without noticing, every family we invited over for dinner had adopted more than once. When addressing this topic, they all recommended adopting more than one child because we were considering trans-racial adoption. And so began our "sibling group" conversation. Because we were looking for an older child, sibling groups would make sense, we thought. The only problem: our age range was too tight for most sibling groups. Over the summer, we decide that we would be open and perhaps even prefer a sibling group and decided God would have to place the perfect set in our hands.
The third realization these families brought forth was the difficulty in diversity. We initially realized the challenges and uniqueness of adopting from a different culture, but here were faces with stories of how even the most optimistic family faced challenges in a trans-racial family.
We live in rural Indiana with little racial diversity, so we knew an African child would stand out in a crowd here. Some of the families opened up about real challenges with overcoming stereotypes and racism among family members. Others had no problem with Indianians, rather the child themselves noticed the glaring differences in appearance at school, at church, at Wal-Mart. One family told of how just in recent days they had found the adopted child scrubbing his skin "white." My ridiculous optimism lessened in this conversation. Adopting a child with a different cultural heritage and ethnicity, I began to realize, wouldn't come without its challenges.
In the end, however, we encouragement abounded. These families offered a type of support we couldn't find anywhere else. And, after each meeting with each unique family, we felt God telling us, "This is for you." So, we kept praying and the doors or adoption began to open.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)