Christmas Morning

Well, it wasn't our most exciting Christmas morning. Nothing can compare to the "Disney Trip" Christmas morning we had three years ago that made all the kids cry....because the thought of driving 16 hours in our mini van only to be separated from friends and family over Christmas Break upset them to tears! That totally didn't turn out like the commercials promised, but THAT is whooooole different story.

 About a month ago, we decided to forgo the gift-buying this year, and we stuck to our guns! Our extended families supported us and understood our reasons for wanting to save money and reserve our Christmas energy for next year when ALL of our kiddos are around the tree on Christmas morning.

I will say, going to the mall with no list was LIBERATING! I did not envy the frantic moms clutching seven bags with marching feet and rosy cheeks on a mission to grab it all before time ran out!  We did manage two trips to the mall in December to pick up only the things we needed to keep a family of six clothed...and a baked pretzel dripping with buttery, sugary goodness, of course. I even went to Target and came away with just a bag of mints and a wreath for my door, period.

Yes, I really liked the idea of simplifying Christmas. However, while we were hanging stockings after Thanksgiving, Ally asked, "Why are we even hanging these things up, we won't put any gifts in them, will we?"

Hmmm, I had never thought of that. (We hung the stockings anyway. The place looked too bare without them!)

The next week, I was grocery shopping and ran into a friend who had been reading our story, and we talked about Christmas. I admitted that I did not know what Christmas morning would actually look like and mentioned Ally's comment about the stockings. During our conversation, a light-bulb went off just above her head (I swear I even saw it!) and I knew she was sitting on a good idea.

She started to say she had an idea, and then stopped like she didn't want to impose. Knowing that the best ideas come from the frozen veggie aisle at Wal-Mart, I urged her to share. She explained how words mean so much to her and suggested writing letters to our kids and use them as "stocking stuffers" for Christmas morning. She continued, "Letters cost  no money, could be saved forever, AND communicate love and appreciation for each one of your kids."

WHY HADN'T I THOUGHT OF THAT?!?!? (This Language Arts teacher wanted to hug that girl's neck right by the peas and carrots!)

Okay, I just realized in the last four paragraphs, two of them began with me not thinking. That happens a lot. I am like an idea factory and when I get a good one, I go with it and let the thinking come later! No one knows this better than my husband, so when I told him about this new, great, fantastic idea, he kindly agreed to write letters. Although he does not share my love for writing, he would do anything for the kids...even write. So, he was willing to express his thoughts in hopes of creating a memory.

We decided to share the letter-writing idea with the kids and commissioned them to write letters to each other as well. Soon after their break began, I brought out a variety of paper and pens and pitched the plan.

They agreed, but I'm pretty sure I heard, "I thought we were on a break from school!"

"Writing is good for the soul," I told them in my most inspiring eleventh-grade English teacher voice, and I dreamt of sparkly, adjective filled, three paragraph letters that would be treasured forever. The kids worked on them and began filling the stockings.

Finally, Christmas morning came. Just as planned, we woke up to....(drum roll, please)

an empty tree.

I made a special breakfast and the kids all slept in (that was different). Tim and I set the table and waited for all the kids to wake. Our plans seemed good, but I'm not gonna lie...I came down with the Christmas morning blues.

No gifts meant no wide eyes of wonder, no throwing of paper in intense excitement, no crazy reactions from the kids, no neck hugging and profuse thanking.

It was a downer. Not even a sparkly, three paragraph letter addressed to me would fix what I missed in opening presents.

Even Tim said, "This is kinda sad. I actually miss the presents." (He wowed me with that one...some years I wonder if he is The Grinch!)

The kids finally woke up and felt it too. But we ate our breakfast, read the Christmas story, and then opened our letters.

Yes, the letters were special. Yes, it was fun to open something on Christmas morning. Yes, they made us laugh, and made Tim cry. Despite the lack of sparkle, adjectives, and paragraphs, I realized they were timeless and perfect.

The kids' personalities oozed out of each note as I unfolded them. I love each one of my kids, created by the same God, placed in the same family, but still so different from each other. Grace's letters were pretty and creative. Ally's wordy and thoughtful, Josie's had illustrations, and Jackson's came with instructions to, "Read in a British accent!"

After we laughed (and Tim wiped the tears from his cheeks), we agreed the letters were a winning idea. Jackson said what everyone was thinking, however, when he offered his thoughts:

"Let's write letters again next year AND buy Christmas presents to open!"

And I think that's what we'll do.

I wonder what the letters next Christmas to Edmond and Edina will say...

What kinds of memories will we have at that point?

What personality traits will we dote on in each?

Will they be able to read the letters?

Will they have a great British accent like their brother?

Even as I write these thoughts, I think of God watching us. We are waiting to receive a gift (TWO gifts!) that will not only bless, but complete our family. We don't know what these gifts will hold, but we understand them to be something extremely special. I imagine that we are the wide-eyed, wonder filled, intensely excited kid on Christmas morning. I am bursting to open these new gifts and see what God has in store for our family! I realize that He is the giver of all great gifts and enjoys our reactions, and hugs to the neck with profuse thanksgiving.

Before we even receive these bundles, God, I say, "Thank you! Thank you for the opportunity to grow and love! We owe every drop of gratitude for this story to you and your work in our lives. Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

And Sometimes We Are Stubborn and Stupid

Back to the adoption progress...and a bump in the road where we discover how stupid and stubborn we are.

After we had been officially matched with a set of boy/girl twins from Ghana, we had paperwork to complete. The documents that the foreign government requires are often referred to as the "dossier." For Ghana, the documents were manageable to gather, sign, and pass along to our adoption agency. The entire process in gathering these documents was about a month (but would have been about half that time if we would have remembered to sign the most important one!).

Upon beginning our official process with Cradle of Hope, they offered to place Edmond and Edina in Ghanian foster care until we are able to bring them home. This is an outstanding opportunity, and we felt confident about the process in general and love the personal feel of connecting with the orphanage director over the foster family selection. In fact, a few months prior, the agency handling our home-study excitedly encouraged us to get them out of the orphanage and into a home if it was ever offered to us. They had seen countless benefits from cases past in which foster care had greatly enhanced the transition process of inter-country adoptions. Here we were, with an excellent proposition.

However, there was a price.

Now, this won't paint a very pretty picture of Tim and I...but it is where we are (were) at. I'm just keeping it real here!

International adoption is expensive. We knew that going into the process. We understood that if God was calling us to this, he would give us means to cover any financial requirement. But this foster care cost was hard to swallow.

First of all, we were certain that the amount they needed, or charged, greatly exceeded the amount we imagined a child (or two) required for monthly care in Ghana. We knew they would be fed better than the one meal of beans and rice they received at the orphanage, but couldn't imagine food in Ghana being more expensive than food in the U.S. We also counted the cost of schooling and some lodging costs and our numbers were still much less that what they wanted us to contribute every month.

Secondly, we wondered, where would all that money go? We were sure our kids would reap the benefits, but with all of it?!?!? Tim has been especially leery during this entire process, politely asking the agency to clarify procedures and requirements to ensure ethical behavior on our end and theirs. Would this money be entirely used for ethical purposes? We didn't know. We couldn't know. Sure, the agency said that it would. Was their word enough?

Third, this cost was something we hadn't planned on. We had money for our adoption saved, but this cost would add a substantial amount to our bottom line. And, unlike the other expenses that came a bit at a time and then in one hunk, this would be a consistent withdrawal from our coveted savings.

There, I said it, "coveted." It was our money. We had worked hard for it and wanted to use it in the adoption process, but for the end goal...not during and because of the process to people we weren't sure we could trust.

But time was running out. If we wanted our kids to be placed in a home, we needed to send three months of foster care money, NOW.

We knew we would do it. THEY WERE OUR KIDS, FOR PETE'S SAKE. We thought about our biological kids in an orphanage setting with an opportunity to live in a house with a bathroom, kitchen table, and mamma to tuck them in at night and longed for Edmond and Edina to have the same. Yes, it was time to send a check.

I remember the day we sent it. I was off work for the afternoon, addressing other adoption paperwork. Tim and I met at home to look at our checklist and take care of everything possible in those few hours. At around 1:00, Tim wrote the check out, addressed the envelope, placed a stamp in the top corner, and cringed.

"Let's pray over this." I suggested, still feeling uneasy about sending our money off into the great unknown.

And so we prayed. Prayers that the money would be used wisely. Asking God to help us to let go of our money. Pleading that he would use it to care greatly for our kids in Ghana. We prayed for God to help us understand that this check and situation was in his hands and not ours.

Three hours later, we felt God smile (maybe even chuckle) over us.

The kids came home from school and I was busy helping them with school work when Tim came in from the mailbox. He was going through the mail and he passed me an opened envelope and said with a smirk on his face, "Here, look at this...I think you'll find it very interesting."

With a curious look of my own, I felt the small, thick note. When I opened the simple, handwritten note, cash fell onto my arm....lots of cash. The note simply said, "Tim, Lana + Family, Please use this for your adoption. Praying that everything goes well." I counted the money....almost an entire month's worth of money we were required to pay for foster care!

Tears formed again. (I'm not usually a crier, I promise. This whole adoption thing and watching God work is amazing enough to warrant tears, even from me!)

Hadn't we prayed two hours before about money? Hadn't we doubted the process and our capability two hours prior? Hadn't we struggled to "let go" of "our" cash to aid the two orphans we've been praying for?

Yes, God was smiling. He knew that we had no clue about "our" money. He knew that we held too tightly to what seemed rightfully ours. He knew we were being stubborn and stupid, even in this no-brainer situation to help our kids.

He showed us.

He showed us that our money is not really ours. Just like the money in the envelope was not really ours...or the anonymous giver's. He showed us that HE alone is the provider.

And he can be very generous.

Since that afternoon, we have received a similar envelope in the mail, covering another entire month's foster care. And in our sharing, a couple had previously asked if they could do the same. So, here we are, one month into foster care for Edmond and Edina and the Lord has paid for every day of it and the next two months to come!

We trust that He will continue to provide. (Side note, Tim plows snow for extra money in the winters and to date he has pushed snow 3 times more so far this year than any other year!) God is good, even when we are stupid and stubborn.

We have since created an account with adopttogether.com for such donations. At this web address, anyone can donate to our adoption and receive a receipt (the gift can be tax deductible) and be assured that the money is used for adoption expenses only. We are granted money from our account only when we show receipts of our adoption expenses and it must be approved by their board of directors.

Please do not feel obligated, but if you've wondered how to help or give, this is the answer. The right side bar of this blog has a direct link to our AdoptTogether profile and account and will take you through the donation process painlessly. Or, if you want to give, but not online, you can always send an anonymous note and make me cry:)

A Different Kind of Christmas

Christmas will be different this year. Tim and I discussed a while back that we should cut back or even forego all the gift-giving this Christmas.

Tim is always looking for a way out of the commercialism and the "gimme" fever that settles in our house every November 26th (or so...depending on when the Black Friday ads come out). I, on the other hand, love, love, love gift giving and I'm at the height of my game during the holidays! But, after discussing with Tim, I realized that it would be difficult to celebrate fully around the Christmas tree on December 25th knowing two of our kids are spending Christmas morning in a steamy country across the ocean with much less fanfare. We also acknowledged that it would be an excellent area to cut back in because our kids really don't need anything. And, Tim argued, it was an opportunity to live with less and nurture the value of contentment in our kids. It sounded so idealistic.

Well, we received our first text about exchanging names for Christmas a few weeks ago, which I avoided because I didn't know what to say. Were we really going to sit out? Our idealistic idea turned into a picture of genuine torture for the Shoaf kids. I could see clearly in my mind, all of the Shoaf cousins "oohing" and "aahing" over perfectly picked gifts they exchanged while our poor, pitiful four would longingly look at beautifully wrapped packages, trying not to show their jealousy, secretly wishing one was for them. Ugh. We needed to talk.

We brought it up over dinner (a lot of things happen over dinner, I am realizing as I continue to post to my blog!). Tim just flat out asked the kids what they really wanted to do. Did they want a regular Christmas, or did they want to try to sacrifice gifts this year so that next year we could do Christmas with all SIX of our kids?

We were surprised at the responses.

Ally was very fine with it. Keep in mind, she has "Kisses From Katie" mentality and would give just about anything for an orphan.

Grace toughed through it. She was clearly struggling, but agreed that it was the right thing to do.

Jackson spoke matter-of-fact about the whole issue. Concluding that it certainly was the right thing to do.

Josie's excitement was difficult to hide. She loved the idea!

Well, that was easier than we thought. It was decided: there would be no gifts around our Christmas tree this Christmas. Next, we asked about family exchanges and what they thought about those, and the responses were the same. There would be absolutely no gift-buying in our household this Christmas.

We told Tim's family about it over the weekend. With nods, they told us they understood.

Tim's family is rather large. He has two older sisters and they have three kids a piece. He also has three step-sisters, two of them also have kids. Brooke has two darling girls and Steph has four (a singlet and then a set of triplets...don't drink the water at our Christmases unless you want to run the risk of having multiples!). Christmastime at Grandpa Jack and Grandma Sue's is quite the ordeal. The tree skirt can't be seen with the mountain of gifts piled under and around the tree! We have a family exchange, and Jack and Sue are always gracious with their gifts, so there is plenty to go around on Christmas Day.

That's why Sue's text the next day came as a surprise. She asked if it was okay if we forgot about the exchange altogether and had all the kids bring a small gift for Edmond and Edina.

Oh my!

Tears came to my eyes again. Then I felt guilty. This had not been our motive or imagined outcome. I apologized and reassured her that we didn't want anyone to feel like they also had to give up the exchange.

Then she told me it was all Brooke's idea. Brooke knew that kids even as small as hers would make complete sense of giving up a Christmas gift for cousins waiting to join our family from across the ocean. So, now those darling little girls with pigtails are shopping for kids they've never met but want to love. My heart melts just thinking of it!

I can't think of a better "different" way to celebrate the birth of love itself. Tim and I are incredibly blessed with this opportunity to add to our family. We are beside ourselves in our wait to meet our kids for the first time! We can't wait to go through these gifts with our kids in Africa and show them photos of all the aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents waiting to share life with them and love them in a "Christmas" kind of way all the time.

Yes, this different kind of Christmas may just be one of our favorites so far! (Although, Lord willing, the next one's sure to be pretty historic!)